Excerpts from "Planting Our Own Tree: A Womanist Ethnographic Contemplative Inquiry"

2022, Doctor of Philosophy, Miami University, Educational Leadership.

Brown, D. M. (2022). Planting Our Own Tree: A Womanist Ethnographic Contemplative Inquiry [Doctoral dissertation, Miami University]. OhioLINK Electronic Theses and Dissertations Center. http://rave.ohiolink.edu/etdc/view?acc_num=miami1657751036132566

DEDICATION

More and more I think about the long line of strong women who raised me, who made me who I am and without whom I could not exist. They literally gave me a piece of themselves through physical and spiritual DNA that make up the pieces that hold me together. I have no knowledge or wisdom that they did not give of me. I am a product of their hopes, dreams, wishes, beauty, darkness, fears, transgressions, and faith. - Dominique Marie Brown

This was written in a community poetry class at Peaslee Neighborhood Center and selected for public display. It is one of the first things I ever wrote down that felt truly honest. It feels fitting to include it here as my dedication. However, I must expand it to include my beloved dissertation committee whom I admire and have learned so much over the course of this experience. Especially my chair Dr. Aronson who poured countless hours into midwifing this out of my mind and body. As well as all my teachers, formal and informal, who push me and help me grow. This would not have been possible without all of you. I entered the doctoral program wounded; I’m leaving as the powerful Black woman my mother told me I was all along. Oceans of gratitude would not be enough to express how thankful I am for the gifts I’ve received along this journey.

Chapter I. Introduction

won't you celebrate with me what i have shaped into a kind of life? i had no model. born in babylon both nonwhite and woman what did i see to be except myself? i made it up here on this bridge between starshine and clay, my one hand holding tight my other hand; come celebrate with me that everyday something has tried to kill me and has failed. - Lucille Clifton (Clifton, 1993).

Preface

The womanist spiritual practices that, without knowing or trying, I’ve emulated extend directly from my own mother. I’ll name a few that have become part of my regular routine over time. These things comfort me in times of trouble.

Lighting incense. She used to do it, and I thought it was so strange. I thought it was just a way to cover up the wafting smell of marijuana and wondered why she didn’t use scented candles like my white friends’ mothers who I presumed did not smoke. Now I burn incense in my own house every morning after I come downstairs from bed, before making tea. Usually after I’ve cleaned up leftover dishes, for some reason it feels like I can’t be at peace to burn the incense in a dirty environment. When I do it, I set an intention; usually I pick one for the week. They are simple, like “be still” or “just listen”. This is part of how I’ve been regularly moving through my mornings for a while, it was not something anyone else had demonstrated, it just sort of came to me as a way of being.

Setting my crown. The complicated relationship Black women have with their hair is another larger discussion, but for many of us our hair is a thing. It is how we express our creativity, politics, personal style, and/or in some cases, spirituality. Rastafarian locs are one of the better-known examples (Dillard, 2012). My mother used to go to the salon regularly. In fact, most of her closest friends were her hair stylists. They knew her better than most people. My natural hairstyle requires less professional maintenance than her straightened hair, intricate braids, or updos, but something that has stuck with me is the ritual of cleansing my hair. As a little girl, beginning at the age of 3 years old until around 25 years old, my hair was chemically straightened. For the last ten or so years, I’ve been exploring my natural curl pattern. For many Black women this transition can be a little bit traumatic and/or even political. For many complicated reasons, how Black women choose to wear their hair elicits lots of social commentary. My decision to stop chemically straightening my hair came after my mother passed away, mostly as a financial imperative. She paid for my hair appointments and my salary did not allow for hundred-dollar monthly hair treatments. They were often painful and resulted in burning my scalp; thinking back on this, it is alarming. Now that my hair grows wild, regular weekly deep cleansing is necessary. The feeling of water falling down my head and body is like an emotional release -- the opportunity to let go of the week’s baggage and begin again.

These simple things sustain me.

Project Overview

My own story is intended to lay the groundwork for the personal nature of my journey into this research. I will continue to elaborate my own experiences throughout. Womanist spirituality provides the theoretical framework for this project that integrates ethnography and contemplative inquiry within a post-critical paradigm (Berila, 2014; Dillard, 2012; Harrell, 2018; Harris, 2012; Noblit, G. W. et al., 2004; Walker, 1983). The deeply rooted values underpinning my research provide the backdrop for the pursuit of a radical collective wellbeing built on ancestral wisdoms. Guided by a womanist spirituality, the purpose of this dissertation project was to identify womanist contemplative practices that alleviate the effects of historical and contemporary trauma in African ascendant women. The study defines them as practices rooted in spiritual and/or culturally derived traditions of African ascendant women. My interest in this study stemmed from understanding how Black women’s experiences in Eurocentric heteropatriarchal institutions, like the so-called ‘academy,’ navigate these spaces spiritually, energetically, and emotionally. This project took place beginning with recruitment in February 2021 through completion in April 2021. The participants took part in a four-week virtual retreat series as the Womanist Healing Circle, facilitated by three guest facilitators and myself. Each session was held for two hours on Wednesday afternoons. Each facilitator brought a different set of lineages and accompanying practices to the space. They were each asked to share a practice inspired by my dissertation project abstract. However, each facilitator had full autonomy over the practice that they shared during their session. The guest facilitators were also active research participants who contributed to building our shared knowledge base of womanist contemplative practices. Each guest facilitator was paid one hundred dollars for their labor and contribution to the project. It brought together a group of six undergraduate and graduate students from predominantly white institutions to participate in the project.

Recruitment sought students who identify as Black women, African-American, and/or from the African diaspora. It is intentional that the retreat participants are both undergraduate and graduate students in order to foster an intergenerational learning environment. It is a pattern of Eurocentric educational practices to segregate learners by age group, however, it is more common in many traditional African and African ascendant cultural practices to learn intergenerationally (Holmes, 2017).

This research was a post critical ethnographic study that incorporated contemplative inquiry. The intention being to (re)member contemplative practices embodied in African ascendant (Black) women (Dillard, 2012). Post-critical ethnography (Noblit, Flores, & Murillo, 2004) provides the overarching methodological pathway for participants to name and claim their specific identities, spiritualities, and social locations through and within contemplative inquiry. This dissertation research sought to identify the contemplative practices that Black women utilize to combat intergenerational and racialized trauma.

New trauma research helps us understand how the body holds onto the trauma of past experiences, in addition to the traumas caused by harms committed against our ancestors (DeGruy, 2018; Menakem, 2017; van der Kolk, 2015). What is also true, is that the body inherits innate tools for survival, that have been passed down to persevere through extreme indignities such as colonial violence committed against Indigenous peoples and enslaved Africans (Hayes, 2016; Jaramillo & Carreon, 2014). This research project is designed to make the case that it is accompanied by a mature spiritual depth and cultural wisdom as a guiding force. African ascendant women, who inherit both the trauma and resilience of our ancestors, must tap into this guiding force in order to thrive (brown, 2019; Dillard, 2012). Of course, colonial legacies affect African diasporic peoples all over the world. However, this study centers the particular experiences of Black diasporic women residing in the U.S. currently enrolled in predominantly white institutions of higher education. While, fully acknowledging that womanist contemplative practices can benefit all Black women in any space, this research is specifically interested in their use to assist Black women navigating white dominant educational spaces.

We navigate these spaces through colonial legacies and contemporary violence commented against Black bodies, minds, and spirits. The timing of this project was not intended to be in response to the backdrop of the pandemic conditions and racial justice uprisings happening throughout the country that affected many institutions. It was merely coincidental, or perhaps pre-ordained, that our collective healing work culminated in the aftermath of such a difficult socio-political moment. As the convener it made the work feel more urgent and the responsibility even heavier. This research identifies the benefits for Black women to have protected sacred space that prioritizes our wellbeing in predominantly white institutions. Also, recognizing that Black women students are not the only group that experience the effects of racialized or intergenerational trauma. This has implications for leaders in academic affairs, student affairs, and all across higher education to invest in holistic support for students in every stage of their academic career undergraduate to doctoral. However, the colonial legacies of predominantly white institutions do not portend future investment in historically marginalized students without demands from students to name and claim their inherent entitlement to holistic wellbeing. In light of any meaningful immediate institutional investment, it is the prerogative of Black women students to name, claim, and create their own spaces, as our ancestors and elders have modeled. Despite external circumstances outside of our immediate control, we -- Black women, are entitled to be well right now in the present moment. Womanist contemplative practices offered participants in this study the opportunity for shared respite from shared institutional harm. This work is intended to be educational for all, but let me be clear, that this work is co-created to make space for, by, and with Black women’s wellbeing at the center.

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Sadie M. Brown. Ca. 1971